the furniture are conspiring yet again

sometimes i feel that if i stare long enough at the bed..it wud finally talk to me...

or like my grumpy chair...i know its complaining all day long...n maybe... JUST MAYBE...if i paid more attention...id hear it from my olfactory perception as well...

somehow i just cant grasp it yet!!!..ARRRRGH...its soooo frustrating....

its like those moments when the plastics trash u at lunchtime...u know em fine well...come on..everyone knows the plastics..they r sooo dense..
but somehow they effortlessly manage to grasp ur curiosity by the collars n shove it to the ground painfully in slow-mo...
they'd be conspiring in some plastic corner...n u r dead sure its about u...after all those hateful looks and the fight u had in 7th grade cant fool u...but u jst cant hear them no matter how much u try

...n soon enough...they'll notice and stop.

*sigh*

dont tell me its my lack of sleep and caffeine high!!!!!! dont!!!!

dwelling in confusion

confusion...........

the light...the dark...the confusion.....

i could search the entire world and not find a single soul like you...i could die trying and never know...this could be my unintended salvation...

but i WOULD scrutinize and haunt myself...

i dont know how to live anymore...i struggle to get by...i get into trouble to keep me feeling alive...and i could blame it on him...he has something to do with it right...to take the hands of young innocence...to make it depend on u..n to then forsake n blame the naivety..

i cant trust anymore...i cant love...i want to...but the hunger for comfort is dwarfed by the hurt i would have to face...i would rather live like this...???????

i dont know...need time to deliberate...i need you love...but im just not sure if i can deal with u at my present mental state...

help me...

sadistic sanctuary

i see both of them are squirming

n i love it...

babe u look soooooo hot when ur messed up...

who's the psycho now,HUH?????????

*satisfied grin*

i love ur pain...it keeps me alive

hug someone ur own size??????

did u watch ice age 2??
that girl mammoth thinks she's a possum....
and i was thinking..how cud she hug a possum? sure she'd feel loved...but its funny....cuz it wudnt feel like a hug...would it????

...but why this loneliness??

i am currently at this point of my life where my lone existence has finally painfully started to seethe its way into my thick head...
and in some weird sadistic manner..im starting to enjoy it..
ive started to develop a liking for the vacancy of not having people around to bug me..and the very thought itself that used to torment me...has now become comfort.

and just when i started getting used to it...here comes the sun..ugh!

...*trapped in guilt and remorse*......

i do wanna feel happy....but am just not sure.......part of me just wants to be alone...i was starting to feel happy alone

and it is sooo ironic how u can get addicted to depression itself...is there a word for that...

everyone is goin ooon and ooon about how warm and fuzzy they are feeling and i just hate it...these wines of envy start crawling up on me everytime...

"and u know what he said...can u beleive it??...he's soooooooo cute!!"

....like i cared

god im such a hypocrite.....

ive just lost myself soooooo bad...its like having to rebuild an entire castle without the slightest idea of how wit looked like before it broke....

aloha

so...here's my first blog......

duh..

love to write..but somehow managed to keep away from this temptation all this time..for fear of armchair criticism...and being "faleehaiyy" to the world...anywez...suppose this is the beginning of a new addiction

kudos to god for time and space